Loving Us One By One

"Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands." Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I have been reading David A. Bednar's new book, "One By One," and the thoughts he shares in this short work have brought me much comfort during the past while. The book talks about how the

Savior ministers to us one by one, not as a group, but each and every one of us individually. "He knows us one by one and name by name."
 Like Elder Bednar, I know there is no such thing as coincidences. Things happen, and people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes those reasons manifest themselves, and sometimes we have to seek out those reasons, but God's hand is in our lives and His reasons abound, as well as His tender mercies.
"His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither are our ways His ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than our ways, and His thoughts than our thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

The Lord's classroom of life and learning is constant, the lessons bittersweet, and the tests and exams can sometimes try our endurance, both physically and spiritually. The warfare during these times can be brutally-intense.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have experienced the bitterness of spiritual warfare perpetrated by the adversary, and been sweetly comforted and strengthened by the tender mercies of the Lord.
I have a new little book coming out in a couple of weeks, and in this book, a friend and I share our thoughts on the Savior and the miracles His teachings and atonement have worked in our lives, as well as thoughts on spiritually preparing ourselves for the Savior's return. I had been trying to get ready for the book's release and I felt so much joy because of all the prayer, pondering and fasting that went into this work. God definitely helped to write it, and because of this, I knew it would do a lot of good.
The problem is, Satan knew as well.

I was on my way home from a dental consultation when I began to feel sick. I have felt nausea on and off for months, and had been misdiagnosed before our anniversary trip to Italy in August. With a couple of medications, it has eased greatly and I had been able to enjoy the trip. However, this new bout of sickness came from nowhere. It was 60 degrees and I was driving with the air conditioner on full-blast. The nausea increased, so I rolled the windows down, all the while praying I could make it home. Then my hands and feet slowly went numb and I quickly pulled into a shopping center parking lot. I seriously felt like I was going to die, and I managed to make my fingers function enough to call my daughter and tell her I needed her to come and get me, which completely freaked her out and made her emotional.
After hanging up, I continued to cry and pray. Then the numbness began to fade a little. I quickly called her back, hoping I'd caught her before she got too far, and told her I thought I could make it home. I sat for a few minutes longer, praying and waiting for the nausea to let up a bit. It did, so I pulled back out and continued home. Within two miles of reaching home, the cycle began again, and all I could do was cry and continue to pray. I made it home and had to sit in the car for a while before I could even make it in the house.
For a week, I couldn't drive or go anywhere. I tried to take care of the things I needed to, but the sickness made it almost impossible. I couldn't attend the temple that week, which depressed me. There were times during this illness that I found myself wishing the Lord would take me. I knew there was still more for me to do in this life, but I was tired. I had no idea at the time that my friend, who co-authored the book, was going through a major bout of warfare himself.

After a blessing from my husband and some inspired insight from my mother-in-law (who as it turned out had dealt with almost the same issue at one time,) I began to get better. And though I am still dealing with the sickness on and off, I am able to do what I need to do now, and I was able to return to the temple, which completely rejuvenated my spirit.
During this illness, what has brought me the most comfort was the sure knowledge that the Savior knew and understood exactly what I was going through, and He still does. He is - and will continue - to see me through the trials I face in this life. As long as I never let go if His hand, He will never let go of mine. He knows ME, and He ministers to me according to my needs. He lets me know that I am never left in the dark. The Lord's light shines bright, and it had illuminated the adversarial darkness that attempted to surround me. And I know with absolute certainty, that as long as I use what gifts and talents God has given me to glorify Him and His Son, nothing will stop that work.

As I sit finishing this post, the words from a gospel song my grandmother listed to years ago are flowing through my mind:

"I don't feel noways tired,
I've come too far from where I started from.
Nobody told me that the road would be easy,
But I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me."

May we all lean on the Lord during times of triumphs and trials. He loves us individually, has paid the price for us individually, and loves us one by one. May we never turn our back on His love and ministering, and may we always have grateful hearts and trust in His ways, for He sees the bigger picture, while we only glimpse it. May our love for the Lord open our eyes and ears, that we will one day- through purifying and sanctifying- gain the clarity needed to widen our view of the Master Plan, which is forever right in front of us.